Sunday, July 11, 2010
Clearing up some misinformation about obama...
Those of you who think that obama is a socialist are just plain wrong! Let me explain. According to my secret Harvard informant, when obama was a student at Harvard he liked to party a lot. He said to his friends at every chance, "I want to be on your social list!" A dark- hearted obama hater reported to the press that obama had said that "I want to be a socialist!". This accusation is obviously false and again you, the American public, are dumb and misinformed about our beloved Presitator. He has never given any reason for anyone to believe that he is indeed a socialist! I'm glad that I could clear this up for all of you out there, and I assure you that my level of support for obama will remain the same as it has always been!
More oxymorons
Before I start, I need to clear up some confusion. The definition of oxymoron is NOT "a stupid bovine"...
Oxymorons:
Stop leak
Winged feet
Low bridge
New dynasty
Low standards
Squared circle
Short sermon
Day bed
Horse fly
Restricted access
Roaring fire
Installed options
Hands- off policy
Light work
Exact estimate
Probable cause
and finally; honest _______ (fill in the blank from among the following) politician, lawyer, used car salesman; or just say all of the above...
Oh, just one more, I can't leave it out, wait for it.....
SINCERE LIBERAL
Oxymorons:
Stop leak
Winged feet
Low bridge
New dynasty
Low standards
Squared circle
Short sermon
Day bed
Horse fly
Restricted access
Roaring fire
Installed options
Hands- off policy
Light work
Exact estimate
Probable cause
and finally; honest _______ (fill in the blank from among the following) politician, lawyer, used car salesman; or just say all of the above...
Oh, just one more, I can't leave it out, wait for it.....
SINCERE LIBERAL
Remember when ??
When you lose several people in your life in a short time, you often get melancholy and start remembering the past. So here are some "remember whens"...
Remember when:
We actually took our shopping carts back inside the store ??
A dollar would get you a haircut, a matinee movie, popcorn and a drink ??
Social Security was something you actually had to pay into to get benefits ??
You thought that shaving cream ads were risque ??
You bought recap tires to save a few bucks ??
You bragged to your friends about going to Church ??
You had to learn how to use a slide rule in school ??
You watched the World Series on TV in study hall at school ??
The terrorists in your life were your little bothers and sisters ??
Most of your school teachers were old enough to be your grandparent ??
Driving down the road at 60 mph seemed fast and dangerous ??
A big town was one with more than two traffic lights ??
You put peanuts in your pepsi ??
You destroyed valuable collectible baseball cards by putting them in your bicycle spokes to make noise ??
Disrespecting your parents meant calling them mom or dad instead of maam or sir ??
Republicans and Democrats respected each other ??
Other countries respected and feared the U.S. and our President ??
Good and bad didn't have shades of grey ??
O.K. this getting too political, it's time to quit...
Remember when:
We actually took our shopping carts back inside the store ??
A dollar would get you a haircut, a matinee movie, popcorn and a drink ??
Social Security was something you actually had to pay into to get benefits ??
You thought that shaving cream ads were risque ??
You bought recap tires to save a few bucks ??
You bragged to your friends about going to Church ??
You had to learn how to use a slide rule in school ??
You watched the World Series on TV in study hall at school ??
The terrorists in your life were your little bothers and sisters ??
Most of your school teachers were old enough to be your grandparent ??
Driving down the road at 60 mph seemed fast and dangerous ??
A big town was one with more than two traffic lights ??
You put peanuts in your pepsi ??
You destroyed valuable collectible baseball cards by putting them in your bicycle spokes to make noise ??
Disrespecting your parents meant calling them mom or dad instead of maam or sir ??
Republicans and Democrats respected each other ??
Other countries respected and feared the U.S. and our President ??
Good and bad didn't have shades of grey ??
O.K. this getting too political, it's time to quit...
Saturday, July 10, 2010
They're fixin' the oil spill
BP's puttin' on a cap,
Now we all can take a nap,
'Cause they're closin' up the gap,
They're fixin' the oil spill!!
Turn your tv to the news,
Listen to some other views,
The oil will no longer ooze;
They're fixin' the oil spill!!
Now the oil leak will be fixed,
The oil well cap has been deep sixed,
Obama's stamp has been affixed;
They're fixin' the oil spill!!
But we'll know in a week or two,
There's nothing we can really do,
A giant tube of super glue;
Still won't fix the oil spill!!
Now we all can take a nap,
'Cause they're closin' up the gap,
They're fixin' the oil spill!!
Turn your tv to the news,
Listen to some other views,
The oil will no longer ooze;
They're fixin' the oil spill!!
Now the oil leak will be fixed,
The oil well cap has been deep sixed,
Obama's stamp has been affixed;
They're fixin' the oil spill!!
But we'll know in a week or two,
There's nothing we can really do,
A giant tube of super glue;
Still won't fix the oil spill!!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Even more ramblings
I hear the voices again............
If a soldier eats too many condiments can he be "mustard" out of the Army??
If being heterosexual was politically correct, would we have to change the name of our Nation's capitol to Washington AC/DC??
If Penny Marshal had married Jack Benny she would be Penny Benny
If Leslie Caron had married Elvis Presley she would be Leslie Presley
You might be a redneck if you identify the "w.w.f." as the worldwide wrestling federation instead of the world wildlife fund
"The oil spill is with us today,
It never is going away;
If obama's in charge,
It will get very large,
Much to our country's dismay"!!
Oxymorons:
Liquid lunch
Retail discount
Limited visibility
Behind the scenes leader
Non- profit business
Stage door
Open season
Flight path
Sealed orders
Cowboy
Sound of silence
If a soldier eats too many condiments can he be "mustard" out of the Army??
If being heterosexual was politically correct, would we have to change the name of our Nation's capitol to Washington AC/DC??
If Penny Marshal had married Jack Benny she would be Penny Benny
If Leslie Caron had married Elvis Presley she would be Leslie Presley
You might be a redneck if you identify the "w.w.f." as the worldwide wrestling federation instead of the world wildlife fund
"The oil spill is with us today,
It never is going away;
If obama's in charge,
It will get very large,
Much to our country's dismay"!!
Oxymorons:
Liquid lunch
Retail discount
Limited visibility
Behind the scenes leader
Non- profit business
Stage door
Open season
Flight path
Sealed orders
Cowboy
Sound of silence
R.I.P. Linda Hall
Linda Hall passed away today. Her passing was not totally unexpected as she had been sick and on dialysis for years. She had a bad accident, I recall that it was in 2003 but I could be wrong, that would have killed a lesser person. Linda was a fighter. I remember coming up to see her in, again I believe it was 2004, when she weighed about 80 pounds. She reveled in telling her Doctors in Cooperstown who had written her off as soon to be dead, that she was still around!
Linda loved her dogs. In 1998 when we were up for the winter, we gave her a shitsu mix named Nikki that hung around the old Jackson farm. Nikki survived until last year and gave Linda great pleasure. Carol and I always enjoyed visiting Linda and driving to Binghamton or where ever with her. She was a joy to be around and we both loved her very much. Linda and my wife Carol were closer than sisters and we tried to call her every week.
Many people who like animals are not good around people, but Linda was. She was an excellent conversationalist and a great listener. We enjoyed attending the Plymouth Church with her and Ronnie when we were in town.
Linda was a person that you rooted for to overcome her many physical ailments and she did. She was a fighter and had the strongest will to live that I have ever seen!
Some people are just easy to like and love, and Linda was one of those people. Her passing leaves a void in our lives that will never be filled. We love you and will miss you more than we can express. Rest in Peace our friend and "sister"!
Linda loved her dogs. In 1998 when we were up for the winter, we gave her a shitsu mix named Nikki that hung around the old Jackson farm. Nikki survived until last year and gave Linda great pleasure. Carol and I always enjoyed visiting Linda and driving to Binghamton or where ever with her. She was a joy to be around and we both loved her very much. Linda and my wife Carol were closer than sisters and we tried to call her every week.
Many people who like animals are not good around people, but Linda was. She was an excellent conversationalist and a great listener. We enjoyed attending the Plymouth Church with her and Ronnie when we were in town.
Linda was a person that you rooted for to overcome her many physical ailments and she did. She was a fighter and had the strongest will to live that I have ever seen!
Some people are just easy to like and love, and Linda was one of those people. Her passing leaves a void in our lives that will never be filled. We love you and will miss you more than we can express. Rest in Peace our friend and "sister"!
Still more ramblings...
Before I post this, I want assure all of you that I do not do drugs or drink alcohol. These thoughts often come to me at night in my sleep. Now please do not suggest that I start doing drugs and alcohol !!
If there was a tree fruit blight in France could we be seeing "The Last Mango in Paris" ??
There once was a man name of Barry,
Who was visited once by a fairy;
She was not fond of him,
So she made him real slim,
And told him he'd never be merry!
What would you name a plant that is also a great guitar player? Carlos Lantana
There once was a country; U.S.,
Whose leader created a mess;
But the people remembered,
And the man was "Novembered",
No thanks to his friends in the press!
What would you name a plant that also has pretty hair? Goldiphlox
I hope to live long enough to have my great grandchildren climb up on my lap and ask: " Who were these liberals that I read about in my history book"?
What would you name a fruit that is red in both color and political leanings? Straw-barry Obama
If there was a tree fruit blight in France could we be seeing "The Last Mango in Paris" ??
There once was a man name of Barry,
Who was visited once by a fairy;
She was not fond of him,
So she made him real slim,
And told him he'd never be merry!
What would you name a plant that is also a great guitar player? Carlos Lantana
There once was a country; U.S.,
Whose leader created a mess;
But the people remembered,
And the man was "Novembered",
No thanks to his friends in the press!
What would you name a plant that also has pretty hair? Goldiphlox
I hope to live long enough to have my great grandchildren climb up on my lap and ask: " Who were these liberals that I read about in my history book"?
What would you name a fruit that is red in both color and political leanings? Straw-barry Obama
Recess appointment
One day, while the students at an elementary school were playing outside during their regularly scheduled time, the Principal decided on his own and without their knowledge, to appoint a milk monitor. This student was given the power to decide who would get milk and who wouldn't, based on a set of criteria given to the student by the Principal and without consulting anyone.
The milk monitor was completely unfair, letting his friends have milk and punishing those he didn't like by refusing to give them milk to drink. He even gave extra milk to his friends whether they asked for it or not. The students eventually complained to the Principal, but their pleas fell upon deaf ears. The members of the school board heard of this injustice, and when the contract of the Principal came up for renewal, they fired him.
Moral: Recess appointments never work out!! Are you listening obama ???
The milk monitor was completely unfair, letting his friends have milk and punishing those he didn't like by refusing to give them milk to drink. He even gave extra milk to his friends whether they asked for it or not. The students eventually complained to the Principal, but their pleas fell upon deaf ears. The members of the school board heard of this injustice, and when the contract of the Principal came up for renewal, they fired him.
Moral: Recess appointments never work out!! Are you listening obama ???
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
More music to sing along to
The title of this is "Old Rush Limbaugh". Sing it to the tune of "Old McDonald had a farm". Have fun. For those of you who don't know, the phrase e-i-b refers to Rush's radio network, the excellence in broadcasting network. See, this is educational, too! Here we go:
"Old Rush Limbaugh had a show, e-i, e-i-b;
He told the liberals where to go, e-i, e-i-b;
With obama here and a Biden there,
and entitlement programs everywhere;
Old Rush Limbaugh had a show, e-i, e-i-b.
Old Rush Limbaugh talks for free, e-i, e-i-b,
He supports Democracy, e-i, e-i-b;
With stack of stuff here and updates there,
The libs are pulling out their hair;
Old Rush Limbaugh talks for free, e-i, e-i-b.
Old Rush Limbaugh tells the truth, e-i, e-i-b,
He says libs are so uncouth, e-i, e-i-b;
with Pelosi here and Al Gore there,
He's got lots of stuff to share;
Old Rush Limbaugh tells the truth, e-i, e-i-b.
Old Rush Limbaugh is the best, e-i, e-i-b,
He puts liberals to the test, e-i, e-i-b;
With Sharpton here and Jackson there,
They're the cause of our despair;
Old Rush Limbaugh is the best, e-i, e-i-b."
"Old Rush Limbaugh had a show, e-i, e-i-b;
He told the liberals where to go, e-i, e-i-b;
With obama here and a Biden there,
and entitlement programs everywhere;
Old Rush Limbaugh had a show, e-i, e-i-b.
Old Rush Limbaugh talks for free, e-i, e-i-b,
He supports Democracy, e-i, e-i-b;
With stack of stuff here and updates there,
The libs are pulling out their hair;
Old Rush Limbaugh talks for free, e-i, e-i-b.
Old Rush Limbaugh tells the truth, e-i, e-i-b,
He says libs are so uncouth, e-i, e-i-b;
with Pelosi here and Al Gore there,
He's got lots of stuff to share;
Old Rush Limbaugh tells the truth, e-i, e-i-b.
Old Rush Limbaugh is the best, e-i, e-i-b,
He puts liberals to the test, e-i, e-i-b;
With Sharpton here and Jackson there,
They're the cause of our despair;
Old Rush Limbaugh is the best, e-i, e-i-b."
Sunday, July 4, 2010
You might be a redneck if....
You might be a redneck if...
Your outdoor patio is the back of your pickup truck
You think that Tracy Byrd and Tracy Lawrence are brothers
You try to send a letter using food stamps
Your family tree is up on the post office wall
You have an "Unemployment For Dummies" book
Your wedding cake was shaped like a shotgun
Your coon dog is your beneficiary
Your refrigerator is covered with 3rd grade diplomas
You think that broadband is a wide belt
You think that a cataract is an expensive kind of car
You think that MASH was a cooking show
You have a "Paula Deen For President" bumper sticker
You don't have a bumper to put the sticker on....
Your outdoor patio is the back of your pickup truck
You think that Tracy Byrd and Tracy Lawrence are brothers
You try to send a letter using food stamps
Your family tree is up on the post office wall
You have an "Unemployment For Dummies" book
Your wedding cake was shaped like a shotgun
Your coon dog is your beneficiary
Your refrigerator is covered with 3rd grade diplomas
You think that broadband is a wide belt
You think that a cataract is an expensive kind of car
You think that MASH was a cooking show
You have a "Paula Deen For President" bumper sticker
You don't have a bumper to put the sticker on....
Saturday, July 3, 2010
R.I.P. Adolf Moller
Adolf Moller died on June 28, 2010. He had been sick for the past few years and his passing was not unexpected. Adolf and I have a very important connection in life; my wife Carol was Adolf's first wife and I have been a dad to their daughter Donna for over 25 years.
In fact, all three of Adolf's wives were named Carol. We refer to them as numbers 1,2 and 3!!
It is no secret that Adolf was a drinker of mammoth proportions, so I don't feel that I am disrespecting him by saying that. Adolf and I had a good relationship throughout. I think that he realized at some level that both Carol and Donna were better off being with me than him. He and I would joke around a lot and he always called me "Davey". I remember back in my drinking days, driving Adolf around St Petersburg in his old Edsel. It is a wonder that we didn't wreck or get arrested! In the past 16 years since I stopped drinking, I saw a lot less of Adolf. When I did see him, he respected my decision to not drink.
Adolf will be buried in the Walton Cemetery next to his Mother as he wished. There will be a memorial service for him in Walton at some time later. R.I.P. my friend!!
In fact, all three of Adolf's wives were named Carol. We refer to them as numbers 1,2 and 3!!
It is no secret that Adolf was a drinker of mammoth proportions, so I don't feel that I am disrespecting him by saying that. Adolf and I had a good relationship throughout. I think that he realized at some level that both Carol and Donna were better off being with me than him. He and I would joke around a lot and he always called me "Davey". I remember back in my drinking days, driving Adolf around St Petersburg in his old Edsel. It is a wonder that we didn't wreck or get arrested! In the past 16 years since I stopped drinking, I saw a lot less of Adolf. When I did see him, he respected my decision to not drink.
Adolf will be buried in the Walton Cemetery next to his Mother as he wished. There will be a memorial service for him in Walton at some time later. R.I.P. my friend!!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Al Gore's defense
Al Gore has a very logical and reasonable defense for his recent actions. He says that when the lady came into his room give him his massage that she presented him with her card. He thought the the card read "Massage The Rapist" instead of " Massage Therapist".He claims that he was just following orders !!
An INSURANCE story
One day PRUDENTIAL threw a rock through the GEICO window. It bounced off the gecko and hit the AFLAC duck. Luckily, the METLIFE blimp was in the area and it took them to the BLUE CROSS hospital which was nearby. After they recovered, they went on a GREAT AMERICAN tour with JOHN HANCOCK, experienced the NEW YORK LIFE and visited HARTFORD. After the tour was over, they spent the rest of their days at the STATE FARM in OMAHA!!
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