I am going to save you all some time. Don't bother watching Obama's speech tonight. I'll give you the speech right now: here goes...
"I have been on top of this 9/11- like, man caused disaster from day 1. It was caused by capitalistic greed, which was encouraged by the Bush administration, which was receiving kick- backs from Halliburton, which was ordered to take short cuts in the inspection of oil rigs by Vice President Dick Cheney who used to be the CEO of Halliburton."
(pauses for applause which never comes)
"We now have in place the materials and manpower to clean up this spill, as long as BP pays for all of this up front, and as long as the EPA, OSHA and other Government agencies which I cannot remember the names of, approve in advance and assure us that no endangered species will be put in any danger during this operation, at which time all operations will be suspended immediately until further notice."
( pauses for applause which is not forthcoming, and ducks from tomatoes being thrown his way)
" I will make the gulf clean- up my number one priority as soon as Congress passes cap in trade, Elana Kagan is nominated to the Supreme Court and other stuff, which I cannot remember the details of right now, gets done. Thank you and good night."
(runs off the back of the stage to the white house basketball court to shoot some hoops)
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