Upon hearing that President Obama was going to visit the Indians, Russell Means of the American Indian Movement issued the following statement to all Reservations and Casinos:
Heap Big Chief may visit you soon so be ready for him and welcoming to him. Follow the "Dances with Wolves" protocol.
Be sure to charge all appropriate taxes on the cigarettes that he buys. Have a check for these taxes ready to give to him before he leaves so that it will go directly to the Treasury Department.
Take all dartboards with pictures of ATF Agents off shelves.
Take all copies of "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" off shelves and replace them with "The Audacity of Hope".
Display "I heart Custer" bumper stickers.
Take all items off shelves with any reference to scalping, including ticket scalping.
Take all lawn jockeys off display floor and hide them in back room.
Take down "Pepee Tepee" signs from restroom doors.
Use only regular tobacco if the President wants to smoke a peace pipe with you.
If you offer the President an alcoholic drink, please do not refer to it as "firewater".
Do not take offense if the President addresses you as "Indians" instead of "Native Americans" because remember he is really not an American at all.
Genius!
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