Recent events in Arizona have increased the call for civility, at least for we Conservatives to be more civil. The Libs, Statists, Socialists, Marxists and other ne'er- do- wells will be allowed to continue using their fiery, demeaning rhetoric and not be called on it by the Obamaphilic press corps.
I promise that I will do my part to be more civil in my everyday discourse. I am a big sports fan and am myself subjected to this uncivil language from the mouths of Sports Announcers and Analysts. I often emulate their coarse discourse. Here are some of the changes that I will make and I implore all of my Conservative brothers and sisters out there to follow my leadership in the effort toward more civil discourse:
When I am watching a basketball games, pro or college, I will no longer use the term "shoot the ball into the basket". This conjures up images of death and mayhem. Instead I will say, " propel the spherical orb into an arc with a fixed cylindrical goal in mind." Of course, in the time that it takes for me to say this, a guy like Kobe Bryant could score at least ten points. This is a rather cumbersome way of expressing my desire for success in scoring points, so maybe I will just shut up and watch the game passively!
Also in sports, the term "sudden death" is often used. This is a rather barbaric way to describe the ending of an athletic contest. I will NEVER use that terminology again. I will instead say, "Concurrent shut down of major bodily organs, resulting in the lack of vital signs indicating the presence of life being sustained." Or again, I can just sit there are watch the continuation of the exhibition of athletic prowess resulting in relative success for one team and moral victory for the other team.
In baseball, one of the pitcher's main goals is to strike out the opposing batter. There are several "flash point" terms here that need correcting. First of all "strike out" could mean that the pitcher (a better term would be thrower of the ball) wants to harm the batter ( a better term would be proponent of unregulated logging, since he uses a wooden bat) in some way. Think of all the environmental damage that a pitcher like Mariano Rivera of the Yankees has done over the years due to breaking hitters bats with his wicked "cutter" pitch. I 'll bet that several acres of trees have been needlessly cut down to supply bats for the poor, unfortunate players who have tried to hit (make contact) with his pitches over the past 15 years. The word "cutter" also portends something evil; perhaps "ball that breaks sharply down and in toward the batter" would be more appropriate. Of course in the time it takes to say this, Mr. Rivera has probably struck out, I mean disposed of, I mean finished off, I mean destroyed, I mean eliminated, I mean... oh heck, I don't know what I mean; how about "expunged" the batter!! So as Mr. Rivera walks off the mound with another save (is he a Messiah??) to his credit, he has expunged another batter. It will probably take a few years for this to become accepted sports jargon!! The word "batter" needs to be replaced with perhaps "flailer." If you have watched much baseball lately, "flailer" might be more accurate than "batter" in describing what happens.
In the two or three minutes of my life that I have watched volleyball matches, I have heard the term "kill shot". This is both shocking and appalling to my sensitivities. At least it gives me an excuse not to watch any sport with this obvious level of barbarism! Please, please, please replace "kill shot" with something more acceptable such as "stifle" shot. Except for the fact that it rhymes with "rifle" it doesn't conjure up such terrible images in one's mind, and will allow me to sleep without having the image of an exploding ball keeping me up all night. After all, when Archie Bunker told Edith to "stifle" nothing terrible happened!
Don't get me started on ice hockey, one of the most barbarous of sports! The players use sticks with ends shaped like half of a boomerang and they hit a frozen piece of vulcanized rubber called a "puck" with this stick. They are allowed to crash other players into the boards surrounding the rink. The skates that they use have razor- sharp edges. They do things like slash, cross- check, spear, board, trip, hip check, back check, elbow, high stick, hold and hook. A player good at finishing plays is called a "sniper". A player who fights a lot is called an "enforcer". There is just too much in this sport to clean up to make it palatable to the easily offended. When two teams play each other, it is called a "match": talk about incendiary language!! The name of the N.H.L. should be changed to the "Neanderthal Hitman League". This game has gone way too far to be rehabilitated. It is my considered opinion that President Barack H. (H for Hitman?) Obama should appoint a commission to study the violence in hockey and recommend changes to make it less violent. In college we played broomstick hockey, hitting a soccer ball instead of a puck. This change alone would be a good beginning in bringing civility back to sports.
There are other sports which need looking at. Boxing, which is called "The Sweet Science", has the goal of beating your opponent into submission or knocking him senseless for a count of ten. How can anyone stand to watch this mayhem?? Oh, by the way, you can see old Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) fights on the Prime Time on Demand channel on Time Warner Cable. The "Thilla' in Manila" fight with Joe Frazier is my favorite fight of all time. Ali said after the fight that he was as close to death as he had ever been. Hey people, at least boxing is not trying to disguise what is really is, so why don't we just leave it alone?? Oh, sorry. I got carried away. Moving on...
Soccer, or "Futbol" is as close to a non- violent sport as there is. Oh, sure people trip each other and run into each other occasionally, but overall there is not much contact... or much scoring either. A score of 2 to 0 (nil) is a major beatdown; and there is 90 minutes of this non -stop excitement, plus a few minutes tacked on at the end for "stoppage time." I guess you could call most soccer matches "the thrill that ends in nil'". The only major problem with the terminology used in soccer is the use of the term "shootout" to break ties in some leagues. If this were changed to "kick the ball until someone FINALLY scores", I would be satisfied. I will be forwarding this recommendation to FIFA,(the governing body of soccer) forthwith.("forthwith" sounds like a soccer term)...
There you have it; my take on what is wrong with sports terminology today. If we are going to be made to be politically correct and civil, what better place to start than with sports? I have obviously just scratched the surface. It would take a Presidential Commission several years to come up with recommendations, get them implemented, and screw up another segment of American society, all in the name of... wait for it... POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!!
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